Maintenance Sex Might Not Be Popular—But It Could Be the Key to Staying Connected During Your Fertility Journey

Let’s talk about something a little taboo—but very real.

When you’re on a fertility journey, sex often stops feeling sacred or exciting. It becomes scheduled. Timed. Clinical. Sometimes you’re “in the mood”… sometimes you’re just not. And let’s be honest—a woman’s sex drive can look very different from her husband’s, especially when hormones are shifting and emotions are high.

But there’s a tool that’s helped many couples bridge the gap between exhaustion and connection, and it’s something we don’t talk about enough: maintenance sex.

🧠 What Is Maintenance Sex?

Maintenance sex is intentional, regular intimacy that happens not just when you’re wildly in the mood or ovulating—but because you value connection, closeness, and the physical bond that sex creates in a marriage.

It’s not about being fake, forcing yourself, or performing.

It’s about remembering that intimacy is both emotional and physical, and that even when desire isn’t high, the act of coming together can reignite connection, closeness, and yes—eventually, even desire itself.

❤️ Why It Matters—Especially on a Fertility Journey

When you're trying to conceive, so much emphasis is placed on timing, tracking, and targeting the "right" days. But what happens in between?

If sex becomes just a means to an end (a baby), it can start to feel like a task. This creates:

• Pressure on you to "perform"

• Disappointment or rejection for your husband

• Emotional distance that seeps into other parts of the relationship

Maintenance sex is a way of saying: "Our connection matters even when we’re not trying to make a baby." It’s a way to stay emotionally and physically bonded, even when fertility feels overwhelming.

👩‍⚕️ A Note From a Woman Who Gets It…

I know this isn’t always a popular opinion. As women, especially on a fertility journey, our bodies can feel like they don’t even belong to us. Hormone imbalances, mood swings, bloating, and grief can all make the idea of sex feel like the last thing you want.

But I also know this: most women in long-term relationships go through seasons where desire fluctuates—and sometimes, it’s maintenance sex that gently brings it back.

🔄 Bridging the Desire Gap

Men and women often have different patterns of desire. For many women, emotional connection leads to physical desire. For many men, physical connection creates emotional connection. Maintenance sex can help bridge that gap with:

• Intentional physical closeness

• Open, judgment-free communication

• A shared mindset that connection matters more than perfection

🧪 The Hormonal Truth: Sex Is Actually Good for Your Fertility

Regular intimacy—outside of your fertile window—can:

• Boost oxytocin (which reduces stress and improves hormone balance)

• Increase blood flow to reproductive organs

• Improve cervical mucus quality

• Strengthen your relationship, which supports your emotional regulation and nervous system

So yes, even "maintenance sex" can actually support your fertility health.

💡 Tips for Embracing Maintenance Sex Without Pressure

1. Set the Mood, Not the Expectation - Light candles. Play music. Take a shower. Do what helps you feel present—not pressured.

2. Talk First - A 10-minute heart-to-heart can be more arousing than any lingerie. Connection builds desire.

3. Take Intercourse Off the Table - Maintenance sex doesn’t have to mean penetration. Try massage, cuddling, showering together—connection is the goal.

4. Sync With Your Cycle - Lean into your natural peaks in libido (usually in the Follicular Phase and Ovulation) and plan extra connection time during those windows.

🌿 Final Thoughts: Maintenance Sex Is About Maintenance Love

It’s not about obligation. It’s about protecting the bond that holds you and your husband together in one of the most emotionally intense journeys you’ll ever face.

You deserve intimacy that’s gentle, sacred, and safe. He deserves connection, too. And your marriage deserves rhythms of love that go deeper than hormones or ovulation charts.

Want to learn how to align your intimacy and energy with your cycle? Check out my Cycle Syncing for Fertility course—where I help women understand their hormones, support their body, and rebuild intimacy through every phase of their cycle.

You’re not broken. Your desire isn’t gone. You just need space to reconnect—with yourself, your husband, and your heart.